My attempt at organization. :)

Friday, June 17, 2011

This is Gonna be Raw.

I'm linking with Caffeinated Randomness.

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I have so many things swirling in my mind and tears ready to fall. Sadness in that another unfilled request. Not from God, of course. He is the ultimate promise. And as I sit in my pain, I find myself asking the same question Melissa asked yesterday, "Is God Enough?"

YES!!!! Even when he doesn't return phone calls or come for a visit like he said he would. God is enough.

AND, God is leading me to do something nice for that not so nice person I've written about before.

A HUGE something nice. Although, I know this is something so small to God, I argued with Him about it. I stay vague because:

Matthew 6:3,4
But when you do a charitable deed, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, that your charitable deed may be in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will Himself reward you openly.

But yes, I argued continuously for a week. My human heart is angry and jealous saying, "She doesn't deserve this! She doesn't deserve Your love and protection..."

Yeah, I said it. Then, I said, "eeeeeeeee.... neither do I, Lord. Please forgive me, again."

So this morning, I did what He asked me too, and I did it in secret, adding a typed letter with verses and ending it with "Love, God." Because His love for her is so strong, He broke through my hateful heart to move me in the direction that glorifies Him. Glorify God, that's really all I want to do anyways.

So here I am, in the midst of my storm, submitting to Him. And I may not like it at all... But I am honest with God, and He loves me for it. For my obedience and my longing to be right with Him.

And I stand on an ounce of hope that maybe, just maybe, my prayers will be answered too. Because something BIG is still happening.

"I'm still a dreamer, a believer. Oh I lost my faith in so many things, but I still believe in You! Cuz You can make anything new."


Make in me a new and loving heart! Thank you for moving in this stubborn child. Thank you for whispering gently in my ear that my ways are not Your ways and my thinking is not Your thinking. You are higher in all regard, and I thank you for abasing me again. Thank you for making me low and humble, God. I don't want to live in a world where You do not exist! Thank you for not giving up on this messy human. This human that has all the wrong answers and tries to pick back up plan b. Because Plan A, Your plan, is the only plan that was ever written in the stars for me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!!!

In Jesus' Name,


  1. Hi Pinks. This sounds a bit like Jonah and doing what God asked him to do concerning Nineveh. God will bless you for your obedience. You are sowing and the word says you will reap. I think being anonymous is the best way to go because now God receives the glory - He gives you the victory - but the glory is His.
    God bless

  2. I can relate to this post and God is using it to speak to me. There is something that I need to show love to even though I don't feel she deserves it. But like you said, I don't deserve it either. I don't want to move in anger or spite and I don't want any pride in my life. I just want to do and be all for God. Great post!

  3. I agree I don't want to live in a world where there is not God. I'm glad things aren't up to me because I am wishy washy and am influenced often times by what people say, do and feel. I'm glad there's someone else in charge because often times I don't like to be. Plus there are times when I get embarrassed when someone gives me a compliment. Worshiping me would be uncomfortable- I am glad I can worship Almighty God though!!!


  4. I am with ya, I don't want to live in a world without God. I had a very similar experience to this a few years ago, one day when I was griping to a friend about it she said, this is what we call the people test, loving the unlovely, you may as well just go ahead and pass this test now, because if you don't He'll just put you through it again. ouch.