Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again--my Savior and my God!
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.
Why are you crushed down, O my soul? and why are you troubled in me? put your hope in God; for I will again give him praise who is my help and my God.
Four versions of the same verse. This verse keeps coming up. I've read it in other blogs, I found it when browsing verses about thankfulness, and I found it in my 2006 journal 2 times last night. My heart has been broken, but it is time for healing and praise! Even if the wound is still raw, IT IS TIME FOR PRAISE!
I will never be able to sing thanks and praise enough in this lifetime! But I will work my little voice till all around me know that You are Lord and God of my life and the lives of those whom You call!!!
Monday, June 27, 2011
I want to take a moment and say thank you to photobucket for the pics. Some are bigger than my post space, but they still tell their story..... God's story.
Psalm 108:3 I will give you thanks before the nations, O Lord! I will sing praises to you before foreigners!
Psalm 42:11 Why are you depressed, O my soul? Why are you upset? Wait for God! For I will again give thanks to my God for his saving intervention.
Isaiah 43:20,21 The wild animals of the desert honor me, the jackals and ostriches, because I put water in the desert and streams in the wilderness, to quench the thirst of my chosen people, the people whom I formed for myself, so they might praise me.”
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Today's blog about Proverbs 20 made me read the chapter myself. I have verse 5 and 7 marked with a chicken scratch note and reference written to the side of the verses.
And in between...
vs 6: Most men will proclaim each his own goodness. But who can find a faithful man?
Other versions say:
Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find?
Many will say they are loyal friends, but who can find one who is truly reliable?
Most men make no secret of their kind acts: but where is a man of good faith to be seen?
God led me to this. I think He is answering this question in my personal life. I'm not sure what is happening, but again, its gonna be BIG!
Thank you for not giving up on my cold heart. Thank you for melting the ice, allowing your healing. Thank you so much for the wisdom in your Word and for sharing this wisdom with your beautiful creation. Thank you for showing me true love and pointing out the sources in my life in which you funnel this love.
In Jesus' Name,
Sunday, June 19, 2011
God really does have a way of showing things to you.
After my previous post, I spent a little time in a book, learning. After, I helped my daughter finish packing up for girl scout camp. 6 days.
Grabbed some fast food, hit the road, and talked about the stink in my car. She left a container of milk in the back seat that had leaked remnants and cooked in the sun. Ew.
We also sang together. I usually keep my stereo on air1. A commercial came on talking about father's day. She asked, "Its father's day?" I said, "Yeah." She said, "darn." I saw the bit of grief on her face, and it did move me to compassion. It did soften the stone. You see, I didn't remind her of what day it was, and I thought about it a few times before I dropped her off. I've asked God's forgiveness. I will ask for her father's.
After I dropper her off, He reminded me generally to count my blessings. It began with A Tiny Booty in Big Boots. She is counting her precious blessings, which reminded me of another favorite blogger that counts the gifts received from God.
I visited a few friends, got to give some love to a couple of my favorite dads. I loved on my friend's pets. It was good times. And I felt Him with me, revealing small gifts He places in my life.
I also received my Hidden Joy in a Dark Corner book. The author, Wendy Blight prays over, writes a verse and signs each book she sends out. After completing some of the tasks my God inspired mental to do list (start work clothes, write daughter a letter) He lead me to reread my HJ verse.
I waited patiently for the LORD; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. He brought me up also out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. And he has put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD. Psalm 40:1-3
Again, something big.
He is pulling me up out of this for something big, so today, I count my small blessings.
1. Singing in the car with my daughter.
4. Camping trips.
5. Jasper and Rouh. My friends dogs.
Thank you for loving me in whatever state I'm in. Thank you for the blessings only you give. Because you truly are the giver of every good and perfect gift. Thank you for continuing this good work in me. Thank you for providing. Thank you for moments of obedience. I am a stubborn child, and you make in me something that glorifies you. Thank you for revealing when I do not and extending your forgiveness in spite of it. Thank you for my children and loved one and even acquaintances you have placed in my life. So many people hurt, Lord. But you are there. Continue to shower us with blessings Lord. Continue your good work.
Thank You Lord!!! In Jesus' Holy Name, Amen.
"Showers of blessings, showers of blessings we need. Mercy drops round us are falling, but for the showers we plead."
Today, I wake filled with bitterness and resentment. And some very old pain. Father's Day has always been a big joke of a holiday in my life.
Just like my biological father... a big joke. Infested with selfish desire, speed, alcohol, and a meanness that makes Satan jealous.
Just like my step-father... a big joke. And I see my baby sister talk about him being the "cooolest dad ever," and I can't help but think, wait till your eyes are open little one. Just wait.
Just like my daughter's father... a big joke. Who is somewhere off celebrating with his new wife and kids while I keep my girl busy and naive about this stupid holiday.
Just like my son's father... who is maybe a smaller joke than the previous big jokes.
And after typing those sentences, crying silent tears as my daughter takes a break in the next room, I KNOW I am in pain. I KNOW that its really my pain talking here because my HEAVENLY FATHER is the only one who has truly fulfilled that title, father. And because even today, with another dose of hate and anger filling my heart, he strokes my hair and wipes my tears. Hushes me and tells me, "I love you, Kendra, and I've never stopped loving you when others did. I've never left you even when others did. I've protected you and healed your wounds when others created them. I see your beauty and talent blossom when others have made you feel ugly, stupid, and worthless. They did not know it was Me that made you, My exquisite work of art and that you were bought with the most precious blood."
A father of the fatherless, and a judge of the widows, is God in his holy habitation. Psalm 68:5
Hear, ye children, the instruction of a father, and attend to know understanding. Proverbs 4:1
Doubtless thou art our father, though Abraham be ignorant of us, and Israel acknowledge us not: thou, O LORD, art our father, our redeemer; thy name is from everlasting. Isaiah 63:16
These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Matthew 6:32
All that the Father giveth me shall come to me; and him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out. John 6:37
I and my Father are one. John 10:30
Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. John 14:6
And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you forever. John 14:16
For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God. For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. Romans 8: 14,15
One God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all. Ephesians 4:6
That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of this in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth; and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. Philippians 2:10,11
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning. James 1:17
Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, to visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world. James 1:27
Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knows us not, because it knew him not. 1 John 3:1
Friday, June 17, 2011
I have so many things swirling in my mind and tears ready to fall. Sadness in that another unfilled request. Not from God, of course. He is the ultimate promise. And as I sit in my pain, I find myself asking the same question Melissa asked yesterday, "Is God Enough?"
YES!!!! Even when he doesn't return phone calls or come for a visit like he said he would. God is enough.
AND, God is leading me to do something nice for that not so nice person I've written about before.
A HUGE something nice. Although, I know this is something so small to God, I argued with Him about it. I stay vague because:
But when you do a charitable deed, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, that your charitable deed may be in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will Himself reward you openly.
But yes, I argued continuously for a week. My human heart is angry and jealous saying, "She doesn't deserve this! She doesn't deserve Your love and protection..."
Yeah, I said it. Then, I said, "eeeeeeeee.... neither do I, Lord. Please forgive me, again."
So this morning, I did what He asked me too, and I did it in secret, adding a typed letter with verses and ending it with "Love, God." Because His love for her is so strong, He broke through my hateful heart to move me in the direction that glorifies Him. Glorify God, that's really all I want to do anyways.
So here I am, in the midst of my storm, submitting to Him. And I may not like it at all... But I am honest with God, and He loves me for it. For my obedience and my longing to be right with Him.
And I stand on an ounce of hope that maybe, just maybe, my prayers will be answered too. Because something BIG is still happening.
"I'm still a dreamer, a believer. Oh I lost my faith in so many things, but I still believe in You! Cuz You can make anything new."
Make in me a new and loving heart! Thank you for moving in this stubborn child. Thank you for whispering gently in my ear that my ways are not Your ways and my thinking is not Your thinking. You are higher in all regard, and I thank you for abasing me again. Thank you for making me low and humble, God. I don't want to live in a world where You do not exist! Thank you for not giving up on this messy human. This human that has all the wrong answers and tries to pick back up plan b. Because Plan A, Your plan, is the only plan that was ever written in the stars for me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!!!
In Jesus' Name,
OK, are you ready? Give me your best five minutes for the prompt:
Where my children lay there heads at night to sleep.
A place that I have made on my own with God, my true provider. A place that I would love to share with a man God has made for me.
Sometimes, I feel like maybe its not really a home. Maybe its just a house, a rent house at that, where we collect our stuff.
If it is a HOME, what makes it that way?
What about yelling, cussing, ugliness, crying, despair, silent tears hidden from my children to protect their home. Is it really a home even with these?
A house, a dog, a wife, a husband, kids, a white picket fence and bright red door? Is this a home?
What about the home deep inside my heart where Jesus lives? If that is the Holy Spirit's home/house/temple, what are the uglys that He must endure just to claim me as His own?
Friday, June 10, 2011
Let’s just write and not worry if it’s just right or not.
1. Write for 5 minutes flat for pure unedited love of the written word.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Get a little crazy with encouragement for the five minuter who linked up before you.
OK, are you ready?
Give me your best five minutes for the prompt:
Backwards. I'm staying at my mom's house. The house I grew up in. We celebrate our 10 year reunion this weekend.
My mind rewinds to memories distantly taunting me to not only join but share.
My daughter asks me many questions about a time when she was a peanut in my womb. About a time when she was a mere name concocted by a blond dreamer. My little blondie girl. Reminds me of my own innocence and white hair.
Encouraged by the growth God has caused in me while I battle thoughts of mistakes and shoulda, woulda, coulda.
Finding a large joy in the relationships maintained over this small span of time. This blink of an eye, this small vapor of life that I hope God finds fragrantly pleasing. That's what He does, right? Smells the pure smells of offerings lifted up to Him in His name...
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Honor the Lord with your wealth
and with the firstfruits of all your produce;
then your barns will be filled with plenty,
and your vats will be bursting with wine.
Whoever brings blessing will be enriched,
and one who waters will himself be watered.
Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord,
and he will repay him for his deed.
Whoever closes his ear to the cry of the poor
will himself call out and not be answered.
Whoever has a bountiful eye will be blessed,
for he shares his bread with the poor.
But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.
If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that?
Monday, June 6, 2011
Strange title. It was hard coming up with one. I can't help but think of Kandi's blog post, "big," and a prayer from Sandi in the Hidden Joy bible study saying, "Father, I know you can do all things and I know you use ordinary people to accomplish your will."
This made me rummage through the scripture written on my heart and in my mind, and the idea of how God reveals himself to people through His wisdom kept tugging at me.
1 Corinthians 1:18 - 31
18 The message of the cross is foolish to those who are headed for destruction! But we who are being saved know it is the very power of God.
19 As the Scriptures say,
“I will destroy the wisdom of the wise
and discard the intelligence of the intelligent.”
20 So where does this leave the philosophers, the scholars, and the world’s brilliant debaters? God has made the wisdom of this world look foolish.
21 Since God in his wisdom saw to it that the world would never know him through human wisdom, he has used our foolish preaching to save those who believe.
22 It is foolish to the Jews, who ask for signs from heaven. And it is foolish to the Greeks, who seek human wisdom.
23 So when we preach that Christ was crucified, the Jews are offended and the Gentiles say it’s all nonsense.
24 But to those called by God to salvation, both Jews and Gentiles, Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of God.
25 This foolish plan of God is wiser than the wisest of human plans, and God’s weakness is stronger than the greatest of human strength.
26 Remember, dear brothers and sisters, that few of you were wise in the world’s eyes or powerful or wealthy when God called you.
27 Instead, God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful.
28 God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important.
29 As a result, no one can ever boast in the presence of God.
30 God has united you with Christ Jesus. For our benefit God made him to be wisdom itself. Christ made us right with God; he made us pure and holy, and he freed us from sin.
31 Therefore, as the Scriptures say, “If you want to boast, boast only about the Lord.”
I too have been praying for something big to happen in the lives of those holding tightly to the wisdom of this world, their own control, and the lies and fear produced only by the enemy.
Make your presence known in a large and mighty way, using the weak and foolishness of this world. Soften the hearts of those with doubt and bitterness. Fill the air with your peace, hope, and love. Thank you for the sacrifice you made to be one with us again. Thank you for continuously loving us even when our humanity pushes you away. Thank you for blessing me personally with the work you orchestrate in my life. Help me to honor you with my words and actions.
In Jesus name,
Friday, June 3, 2011
Again, I heard the word, love.
I pulled the book's concordance from the last insertion (my bible is beginning to fall apart) and looked up love.
I read some good stuff, of course, but then I went to look up Romans 13:10, but accidentally read Romans 12:10.
Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;
(quick sidenote!) I feel better about skipping practice... my daughter just phoned me! :)
This verse had a reference to Philippians 2:4
Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.
(The links are to a parallel bible, offering different translations while I quote KJV.)
1 John 4:18, 19
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
We love Him because He first loved us.
- Indulge in five rich, delicious minutes of pure writing.
- Tell your readers you’re linking up here and invite them to dig in too.
- And most importantly, go visit, read, and compliment the five minute chef who served something up right before you.
Prompt: Every day...GO:
Every day I have an abundance of 5 minutes. 5 minutes left in session, 5 till I go home for that work day, 5 more minutes and this baby will be asleep, 5 more minutes after pushing the snooze button...
This is my first free writing 5 minutes, and so far its pretty nice. No critic. No judge, just words.
Every day, I think of him, and almost every day, I still cry. Every day, I try to pray for you and your family, Troy. I pray that God takes all your pain and heals you. I pray that the weather is good to you at work. I pray that you and our son have a good time with you. I pray that your sister and her children are healthy and happy. I pray that her heart softens. I pray that God reveals good out of this situation, and that He gives me faith. I ask for faith and peace several times a day.
There are some days that I ask the Lord to take my love for you.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
I mentally started the title of this blog 3 days ago.
I blogged it down yesterday.
And today, I finally read Michelle's, Caffeinated Randomness. I've followed for a while, but never linked. Her story of noncontrol inspired me to click edit and type in the blank entry.
I've heard this statement too many times from his mouth. I said from the beginning, I would not talk about the should's we should have done, so don't worry, that's not my direction.
I want to talk about how this is a painful statement for me. This general statement makes my heart ask, "but what if you don't answer?"
I see many faces that did not answer my call of need, but He reminds me of many faces who did. Yesterday (Thursday) was my day of wallowing too. I feel my heart wanting to go that direction again, but He reminds me of the good in my life. Today, He answers that one negative thought with three positives.
I'm calling You, because I need You. I know You are the author and finisher of my faith, but I still have doubt and put limits on You. I throw my adult tantrum, demanding the wisdom behind the trial before I'm halfway through the refinery. Thank You for helping me stop and be thankful. Thank You for continuing to work through me. Thank You for working in others in my life. Thank You for speaking to me and comforting me, allowing me peace and rest. Thank You for your goodness and mercy.
In Jesus Name,