This is Gonna be Raw.

I'm linking with Caffeinated Randomness.

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I have so many things swirling in my mind and tears ready to fall. Sadness in that another unfilled request. Not from God, of course. He is the ultimate promise. And as I sit in my pain, I find myself asking the same question Melissa asked yesterday, "Is God Enough?"

YES!!!! Even when he doesn't return phone calls or come for a visit like he said he would. God is enough.

AND, God is leading me to do something nice for that not so nice person I've written about before.

A HUGE something nice. Although, I know this is something so small to God, I argued with Him about it. I stay vague because:

Matthew 6:3,4
But when you do a charitable deed, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, that your charitable deed may be in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will Himself reward you openly.

But yes, I argued continuously for a week. My human heart is angry and jealous saying, "She doesn't deserve this! She doesn't deserve Your love and protection..."

Yeah, I said it. Then, I said, "eeeeeeeee.... neither do I, Lord. Please forgive me, again."

So this morning, I did what He asked me too, and I did it in secret, adding a typed letter with verses and ending it with "Love, God." Because His love for her is so strong, He broke through my hateful heart to move me in the direction that glorifies Him. Glorify God, that's really all I want to do anyways.

So here I am, in the midst of my storm, submitting to Him. And I may not like it at all... But I am honest with God, and He loves me for it. For my obedience and my longing to be right with Him.

And I stand on an ounce of hope that maybe, just maybe, my prayers will be answered too. Because something BIG is still happening.

"I'm still a dreamer, a believer. Oh I lost my faith in so many things, but I still believe in You! Cuz You can make anything new."

Lord,

Make in me a new and loving heart! Thank you for moving in this stubborn child. Thank you for whispering gently in my ear that my ways are not Your ways and my thinking is not Your thinking. You are higher in all regard, and I thank you for abasing me again. Thank you for making me low and humble, God. I don't want to live in a world where You do not exist! Thank you for not giving up on this messy human. This human that has all the wrong answers and tries to pick back up plan b. Because Plan A, Your plan, is the only plan that was ever written in the stars for me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!!!

In Jesus' Name,
Amen!!

5 Minutes of Home

OK, are you ready? Give me your best five minutes for the prompt:

Home…

GO:


Home.

Where my children lay there heads at night to sleep.

A place that I have made on my own with God, my true provider. A place that I would love to share with a man God has made for me.

Sometimes, I feel like maybe its not really a home. Maybe its just a house, a rent house at that, where we collect our stuff.

If it is a HOME, what makes it that way?

laughter

fun

giggles

games

food/dinner

bible

What about yelling, cussing, ugliness, crying, despair, silent tears hidden from my children to protect their home. Is it really a home even with these?

A house, a dog, a wife, a husband, kids, a white picket fence and bright red door? Is this a home?

What about the home deep inside my heart where Jesus lives? If that is the Holy Spirit's home/house/temple, what are the uglys that He must endure just to claim me as His own?

Home.

STOP.

A Backwards 5 Minutes

Got Five minutes? Let's write. Let's write in shades of real and brave and unscripted.
Let’s just write and not worry if it’s just right or not.
1. Write for 5 minutes flat for pure unedited love of the written word.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Get a little crazy with encouragement for the five minuter who linked up before you.









OK, are you ready?

Give me your best five minutes for the prompt:

Backwards….

GO

Backwards. I'm staying at my mom's house. The house I grew up in. We celebrate our 10 year reunion this weekend.

Backwards. Retrograde.

My mind rewinds to memories distantly taunting me to not only join but share.

My daughter asks me many questions about a time when she was a peanut in my womb. About a time when she was a mere name concocted by a blond dreamer. My little blondie girl. Reminds me of my own innocence and white hair.

Backwards. Reminiscing...

Encouraged by the growth God has caused in me while I battle thoughts of mistakes and shoulda, woulda, coulda.

Finding a large joy in the relationships maintained over this small span of time. This blink of an eye, this small vapor of life that I hope God finds fragrantly pleasing. That's what He does, right? Smells the pure smells of offerings lifted up to Him in His name...

Backwards.

STOP

2 outta 3

I wanted to write tonight (Tuesday). I have time on my hands but couldn't decide on a topic. I opened my bible and was interrupted by a call from my boss.

We received word that our counseling program was awarded another grant. $17,550. That is 1/3 of the total funds sought. Three weeks prior, we heard about the first $10,000 award. Now as we wait to hear from the third entity, I can't help but feel confident about God fullfilling the request.

You see, I work for a community center sustained by prayer and donation. We serve many low-to-moderate income and destitute families, offering daycare services, after school program, summer camp, senior program, modeling, wrestling, counseling, etc.

So, this entry was not about advertising or requesting but about thankfulness to the cheerful givers God has graciously lead to us.

Honor the Lord with your wealth
and with the firstfruits of all your produce;
then your barns will be filled with plenty,
and your vats will be bursting with wine.

—Proverbs 3:9-10

Whoever brings blessing will be enriched,
and one who waters will himself be watered.

—Proverbs 11:25

Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord,
and he will repay him for his deed.

—Proverbs 19:17

Whoever closes his ear to the cry of the poor
will himself call out and not be answered.

—Proverbs 21:13

Whoever has a bountiful eye will be blessed,
for he shares his bread with the poor.

—Proverbs 22:9

But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.

—Matthew 6:3-4

If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that?

—James 2:15-16

Lord,

Thank you for filling us with your grace and mercy. Your love truly covers a multitude of sin, and you long to be the safe house and provider to your children. I want to add that it is easy for me to be thankful and to see your hands at work when such blessings pour down on us, but I ask that you be with me in the dark days. I ask that you shine your light on the smallest blessings that I take for granted. In my wealth, help me to give. In my despair, help me give hope to those in the midst of destitute destruction. When I cry about being a single mother, Lord, help me be thankful that my children are not orphans on a littered, dirt road begging for a filthy corner in a trembling shack. When I cry about being tired and alone, help me be thankful for my community and support system. They say it takes a village to raise a child, and Lord, help me remember the amazing village you have provided in my life. When I gripe about juggling weekend and visitation exhanges, help me be thankful that its not a prison or a tombstone we visit. You have been so good to me, and I thank you for giving me the right kind of heart to be thankful, transforming me into a joyful giver.

In Jesus Name,

Amen

Bring "The Wisdom of God" to Life

My first link with Soli Deo Gloria Pary. Please take a moment and check these ladies out. They have some amazing stories to share!



Strange title. It was hard coming up with one. I can't help but think of Kandi's blog post, "big," and a prayer from Sandi in the Hidden Joy bible study saying, "Father, I know you can do all things and I know you use ordinary people to accomplish your will."

This made me rummage through the scripture written on my heart and in my mind, and the idea of how God reveals himself to people through His wisdom kept tugging at me.

1 Corinthians 1:18 - 31

18 The message of the cross is foolish to those who are headed for destruction! But we who are being saved know it is the very power of God.

19 As the Scriptures say,
“I will destroy the wisdom of the wise
and discard the intelligence of the intelligent.”

20 So where does this leave the philosophers, the scholars, and the world’s brilliant debaters? God has made the wisdom of this world look foolish.
21 Since God in his wisdom saw to it that the world would never know him through human wisdom, he has used our foolish preaching to save those who believe.
22 It is foolish to the Jews, who ask for signs from heaven. And it is foolish to the Greeks, who seek human wisdom.
23 So when we preach that Christ was crucified, the Jews are offended and the Gentiles say it’s all nonsense.

24 But to those called by God to salvation, both Jews and Gentiles, Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of God.
25 This foolish plan of God is wiser than the wisest of human plans, and God’s weakness is stronger than the greatest of human strength.

26 Remember, dear brothers and sisters, that few of you were wise in the world’s eyes or powerful or wealthy when God called you.
27 Instead, God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful.
28 God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important.
29 As a result, no one can ever boast in the presence of God.

30 God has united you with Christ Jesus. For our benefit God made him to be wisdom itself. Christ made us right with God; he made us pure and holy, and he freed us from sin.
31 Therefore, as the Scriptures say, “If you want to boast, boast only about the Lord.”


I too have been praying for something big to happen in the lives of those holding tightly to the wisdom of this world, their own control, and the lies and fear produced only by the enemy.

Lord,

Make your presence known in a large and mighty way, using the weak and foolishness of this world. Soften the hearts of those with doubt and bitterness. Fill the air with your peace, hope, and love. Thank you for the sacrifice you made to be one with us again. Thank you for continuously loving us even when our humanity pushes you away. Thank you for blessing me personally with the work you orchestrate in my life. Help me to honor you with my words and actions.

In Jesus name,

Amen

LOVE

I prayed about what I should read this evening. I was supposed to skate tonight, but it didn't feel right. I simply wanted to spend time in God's Word. I didn't know what I should read, and I kept hearing the word, love. I opened my bible, prayed about God showing me something... anything...

Again, I heard the word, love.

I pulled the book's concordance from the last insertion (my bible is beginning to fall apart) and looked up love.

I read some good stuff, of course, but then I went to look up Romans 13:10, but accidentally read Romans 12:10.

Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;

(quick sidenote!) I feel better about skipping practice... my daughter just phoned me! :)

This verse had a reference to Philippians 2:4

Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.

(The links are to a parallel bible, offering different translations while I quote KJV.)

1 John 4:18, 19
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

We love Him because He first loved us.


Amen.

My first 5 free minutes.

Wanna just write? Without wondering if it’s just right?

1. Indulge in five rich, delicious minutes of pure writing.
2. Tell your readers you’re linking up here and invite them to dig in too.
3. And most importantly, go visit, read, and compliment the five minute chef who served something up right before you.

Easy peasy.

Prompt: Every day...

GO:

Every day I have an abundance of 5 minutes. 5 minutes left in session, 5 till I go home for that work day, 5 more minutes and this baby will be asleep, 5 more minutes after pushing the snooze button...

This is my first free writing 5 minutes, and so far its pretty nice. No critic. No judge, just words.

Every day, I think of him, and almost every day, I still cry. Every day, I try to pray for you and your family, Troy. I pray that God takes all your pain and heals you. I pray that the weather is good to you at work. I pray that you and our son have a good time with you. I pray that your sister and her children are healthy and happy. I pray that her heart softens. I pray that God reveals good out of this situation, and that He gives me faith. I ask for faith and peace several times a day.

There are some days that I ask the Lord to take my love for you.

STOP.