Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad.
I finally stopped trembling.
It is day number two of weekend visitation. My son leaves with his dad for 4 hours.
Yesterday was the same. I count the hours till he takes him from me then count the hours till my son's return. All the while, my mind churns with variations of these:
-memories of the last three years
-does my house smell?
-is it clean enough
-do I look ok?; who cares what I look like
-will she be with him again, probably...
-does he talk ugly about me in front of my son?; he lets sister talk ugly about me...
-is there something I'm missing; what else can he use to make me look unfit?
-he can't be trusted
-Lord, why can't they be nice? Do they know You?
-You have not given me a spirit of fear... but I'm trembling!
-don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.
-be brave, be courageous.
-did I feed him enough?; he's thinks I never feed him
-is this jacket heavy enough?
-I wasn't made to please him; i was made to please Him!!!
-you can cry when they turn at the end of the block...
-Lord, I know You're there; please keep Your hand on my son.
He only is my rock and my salvation:He is my defense; I shall not be moved.
Thank You for calming my spirit. After the buzz of anxiety's ringing leaves my ears, Your still small voice is there whispering peace. Thank you for the beautiful blogs I have been blessed to read. You bring inspiration, encouragement, and motivation in my life, distracting me from the negativity flood. More than distracting... its like You plug it up. Hahaha, I guess You literally put a cork in it! Thank You for sending Your obedient Son to give us hope. I ask that you again be with the various people I have already lifted up to You this week. Touch their hearts and let them know You are there. Give a friend the courage to call out Your Name. She is close but doesn't know how to trust yet. Guide her and reassure her that You are going to be by her side through eternity. Thank You for teaching me how to love.
In Jesus Name,