My First Shared Sunday

Robert's post was the first thing I saw this sunday morning.

Which took me to Unknown Mami's place for Sundays In My City.



My Sunday started at a friends house in Amarillo, TX. This is about 20 minutes from my town. As we sat around the table swapping stories and playing game, an "Unknown Number" rings my phone. I do not answer, and they leave no message.

My head swirls with possible identities. This is the first unknown to this new number. I had shut my phone off back in April of 2011. As much as I missed the phone, we did really well with out it for five months.

Then my grandmother died. I was introduced to Ray, the man she assigned as executor of her estate. He was kind enough, but like all men, I didn't trust him as far as I could throw him.

Then my dad overdosed on meth. His first hospital stay lasted over a week, and because of his diagnosis, he was a "do not publish" patient. Immediate family could go up there to find out information and see him but forget trying to get information over the phone. Ray and I communicated almost daily throughout this.

One day he asks, "Why don't you have a cell phone?"

"Do you want my financial or philosophical reason?"

Silence.

"Okay then, I just started repaying my student loans, and I have lost all state benefits, so something had to go. We don't have cable, and I have internet and a land line, so the cell phone was cut from the budget."

"Okay, and the philosophical reason?"

"Well, I realize they have an importance and a purpose, but they also hinder communication and relationships. They are a great tool to promote secrecy and manipulation, and people can too easily say, 'Nope, I didn't see that text or missed call' with a fake smile and look of confusion. A cell phone keeps you constantly tied down to something while real life happens around you instead of pausing for you to answer the phone or reply to a text. I won't get started on the smart phones."

"Well Kendra, you need a cell phone."

"Yes. My friends and loved ones find many reasons to remind me of that daily."

"If the estate pays for the phone, will you carry it?"

......silence.....

"You need a cell phone in the car when you have those babies with you, Kendra."

"I know, and yes, I will carry the stupid phone."

So I got the phone with this new number that only few people know. I've carried it now for almost 4 months, and today's sunday began with its first "unknown."

Of course my brain suggests its related to my son's father in one form or another.

As I sit here jumbling sentences on the screen, God instantly reminds me that I can call Him anytime and without the use of a stupid phone. He reminds me of Him calling my name and me answering, knowing all the while it is He who is calling.

As I smile and feel His love wrap around me, the importance of this unknown caller dissipates, giving way to the Lord on high! My Jesus.

Liebster = Dearest

"Liebster" is a German word meaning dearest, and the award is given to up and coming bloggers with less than 200 followers.

Here is how it works.

1 Show some love and link back to the one that gave you the award.

2 Reveal your Top 5 Blogs (with less than 200 followers) and let them know by leaving
comments on their blogs.

3 Post the award on your blog.

4 Enjoy the love and support of the most supportive people on the web!

Tracy still continues to bless me with My Daily Walk in His Grace! Thank you for remembering and honoring me through the love and encouragement bestowed upon you. He works through us so beautifully.

1. Woman to Woman Ministries consists of Debi, Lisa, Mandy, and Jenifer. The lovely ladies have encouraged and inspired me even in dark days. They are a blessing in my life. They each have individuals blogs as well as this community blog. I've heard God through each of them, and I am thankful for their obedience.

2. get out of the boat is Kandi's poetic journey trusting Jesus. She is so genuine, and her writing puts me right next to her. (I'm thinking of the experience in the car with construction and pipelines ) I know sweet Tracy gave you this award too, but I can't mention favorites without mentioning yours.

3. Lost In the Prairies... Found by God was among the first spiritual blogs I began to follow over two years ago (I think). I read Michelle and four other ladies way before I ever started my spiritual writing. I wrote, but that blog is censored and private (A story I may tell at some point). I'm getting off track! I Want to give Michelle and her Caffeinated Randomness some love.

4. This Life I Life is another early blog. I hadn't been over to visit in some time, but I am so glad to give Danielle some kudos and love.

5. Food for the Brokenhearted is a new blog. I wish I could remember who introduced me to Christi's sharing of her heart and kitchen.

These are just a few people that have influenced my journey here in the blogosphere. The places visited impact my life differently but passionately every day. He talks to me, comforting and guiding even when a post highly offends my flesh.

Love for other blogs is coming soon. God is working on something in my heart, and I have Him and you to thank for opening my heart, mind, and time to growing my faith.

<3, Kendra

Colorful Five Min Fri

(the title sounded like a fun tai dish or something, lol!)

Gypsy Mama says:

It’s Friday.

Let’s do it. Let’s just write without worrying if it’s just right or not.

For only five short, bold, beautiful minutes. Won’t you join me?"

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Most importantly: leave a comment for the person who linked up before you – encouraging them in their writing!!

OK, are you ready? Give me your best five minutes on:

Color…

I can't help but think of painting and art therapy. I see the color on their hands and mine. Its cold with a pleasurable texture.

Blue is sadness, but a calming color.
Purple is healing. A calming, royal color.
Black is the traumatic event.

I see their painted faces in my mind. The flat affect in yellow.

I see bright reds and oranges. Bold, energetic colors depicting strong emotions like anger, rage, despair.

I see green in their flowers. Their trees blooming large green clouds. The calming color of growth.

The large butcher paper is on the floor or along the wall ready to display their outline. We mark the outlines, and the children paint the rest.

Sloppy paint is my color and tool.

emails

I have to preface this post with: GOD IS SO GOOD! :)



Tracy had surgery. As she readied herself for this journey, she asked for prayer, so that is what I did. I had received a Word about prayer from a Mandy at Growing with God. (Thank you again, Lisa for that reference reminder.)

This source shared the scene in Mark 9 where a father brings his son stricken with an evil spirit to the disciples. They could not cast it out, so the father spoke to Jesus:
"Have mercy on us and help us, if you can.” “What do you mean, ‘If I can’?” Jesus asked. “Anything is possible if a person believes.” The father instantly cried out, “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!”

So, Jesus cast out the evil spirit. Later the disciples asked Him why they could not do it.
²⁹ Jesus replied, “This kind can be cast out only by prayer.

After surgery, Tracy added me to her personal facebook page. She introduced me to praybook. I signed up and managed my "pray for your friends this number of times" feature. I felt pretty confident about the number I decided to do daily. I only veer from the path to say praying for people in a quick email format is more time consuming and tougher than I originally gave it credit for. God truly orchestrates this prayer.

The power of prayer is greater than we ever know. We never truly know how powerful it is until after we see the results. I say "we"... but I know this is so me. I respect anyone more mature in their prayer life than me, and I am certain with that maturity comes a greater understanding of prayer's power. Its going to be wonderful when I am in that place.

In the midst of my Monday night prayer emails, I also sent a friend and colleague revised editions of a professional letter she was writing. While in my "sent" box, I noticed emails I had sent my son's father. I opened and read them, and of course, they brought tears. The old wound of rejection re-pitched his tent in my heart, but I tossed out the negative arsenal and pushed through a few more prayer emails.

Later, I was almost asleep when rejection gave me his reminder. My mind said, "That was so stupid. Why would you be so stupid to send those emails. So stupid, stupid, stupid..."

My mouth said, "It wasn't stupid! Why? Because I have a heart?! Because I care?! Because I believe that God really can get a hold of people even when we painfully realize it won't be the way we want Him to!! I'm not stupid."

Then I cried and prayed. I woke up this morning with a favorite air1 song playing in my mind because He heard me. He showed up and renewed my faith and strength to continue encouraging and praying for others. It makes me think of those that pray for and encourage me.

Thank You, Lord! You are so good to those that love You! You do show us favour, and I hope I can humbly give to others what You have given me. Open my eyes to the opportunity. In Jesus Name, Amen.

Proverbs 12:25

Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad.

I finally stopped trembling.

It is day number two of weekend visitation. My son leaves with his dad for 4 hours.

Yesterday was the same. I count the hours till he takes him from me then count the hours till my son's return. All the while, my mind churns with variations of these:

-memories of the last three years

-does my house smell?

-is it clean enough

-do I look ok?; who cares what I look like

-will she be with him again, probably...

-does he talk ugly about me in front of my son?; he lets sister talk ugly about me...

-is there something I'm missing; what else can he use to make me look unfit?

-he can't be trusted

-Lord, why can't they be nice? Do they know You?

-You have not given me a spirit of fear... but I'm trembling!

-don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.

-be brave, be courageous.

-did I feed him enough?; he's thinks I never feed him

-is this jacket heavy enough?

-I wasn't made to please him; i was made to please Him!!!

-you can cry when they turn at the end of the block...

-Lord, I know You're there; please keep Your hand on my son.

Psalm 62:6
He only is my rock and my salvation:He is my defense; I shall not be moved.

Lord,
Thank You for calming my spirit. After the buzz of anxiety's ringing leaves my ears, Your still small voice is there whispering peace. Thank you for the beautiful blogs I have been blessed to read. You bring inspiration, encouragement, and motivation in my life, distracting me from the negativity flood. More than distracting... its like You plug it up. Hahaha, I guess You literally put a cork in it! Thank You for sending Your obedient Son to give us hope. I ask that you again be with the various people I have already lifted up to You this week. Touch their hearts and let them know You are there. Give a friend the courage to call out Your Name. She is close but doesn't know how to trust yet. Guide her and reassure her that You are going to be by her side through eternity. Thank You for teaching me how to love.

In Jesus Name,
Amen

prayer needed!

I just found out more devestating news at my workplace. We are a non-profit community center with various programs. One of those programs is our daycare for children 6 weeks to 5th grade.

We just learned that some of our students are being forced to leave our facility because we are on probation with licensing. I will be happy to share any of those details with anyone because we self-reported our own mistake.

These specific children are being removed because they are minor subjects whose guardians are involved in a Child Protective Services investigation. So, not only have these children lost their parents, their homes, siblings, and other consistencies, they are losing long-term caretakers.

Please lift up Wesley Community Center, its staff, and the people we serve in prayer as we continue to face these hardships.

Thank you.

Little Drummer Boy

Christmas songs have begun!!!

I listen to air1 99.5% of the time, and this morning was no exception. As I drove closer to work, Little Drummer Boy began to play. I've heard this song an uncountable number of times in my life span. Never before have I had an experience to the song like this morning.

The words:

I am a poor boy too,
I have no gift to bring,
That's fit to give the King,
Shall I play for you on my drum?

stirred my heart and my emotions. The tears fell from my eyes and still demand their presence be known even now. Why?!

Because God is speaking to me. He is saying, you have no gift but the gifts I give you. Use your gifts for Me. If you can play, play for Me. If you can build, build for Me. If you can write, write for Me. If you can love, love for Me.


This is an electric guitar instrumental of the song, but I loved it. Please enjoy.