sitting next to a vain tree

I didn't have words earlier. mostly feelings, indescribable.

I clicked over to blogger multiple times today, opened a new/blank post, and typed a mere sentence to only delete after rereading ten times.

I didn't want to force it, so I went throughout the rest of my day. I visited my mom. She lives down the block, so I walked the 8 houses between us. Today was her 2nd at home since her heart attack and double bypass surgery.

We haven't seen eye to eye on my changing beliefs. She didn't have her tree up till today. My children were mesmerized.

I sit in pain. This isn't easy. Its painful to admit that I like all the things God is asking me to forsake and turn away from. I try to be sensitive to my mom now. I won't celebrate, but I sit next to the tree. An incredibly intense yuck, dark oppression filled my guts.

Seeking His voice in this time. Praying for healing, patience, and grace.