My september clean was only the beginning of bittersweet sorrows and joys.
September. I moved my family to the streets of my childhood. Many life preparations taking place, I began unpacking and sorting christmas items. I knew I would have to face it. The emotional and spiritual battle would wage till information processing began, deciding what step followed God's voice.
They have not known nor understood: for he hath shut their eyes, that they cannot see; and their hearts, that they cannot understand. And none considereth in his heart, neither is there knowledge nor understanding to say, I have burned part of it in the fire; yea, also I have baked bread upon the coals therof; I have roasted flesh, and eaten it: and shall I make the residue thereof an abominations? shall I fall down to the stock of a tree?
It was easy to throw away the trees. Some of the decor was vain, meaningless. Then I found my children's ornaments... and those of my childhood, my birth year.
The children gather wood, and the fathers kindle the fire, and the women knead their dough, to make cakes to the queen of heaven, and to pour out drink offerings unto other gods, that they may provoke me to anger.
I cried. And prayed. Then, following Him, I threw most things in the trash.
But this thing I commanded them, saying, 'Obey my voice, and I will be your God, and ye shall be my people: and walk ye in all the was that I have commanded you, that it may be well unto you.'
I kept some of the lights. I want them for my backyard summer adventures this next year.
I kept a Hallmark glass manger scene. Simple. Mary, Joseph, and baby Yeshua (Jesus). I've kept it out as decor since I ravaged the decorations box. I also kept a couple differing items. Its 3 months later, and I still have yet to decide the others' future.
This is my first year to reject and expose the "christianized" winter solstice celebrations. Its been heart breaking. I knew it would be tough after my first Passover celebration. Actually, I had completed my first year of celebrating YHWH's feasts. There was much joy, and I know for sure I did not do it perfectly. Actually, I stumbled through it like a beginning standard transmission driver.
Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, "Concerning the feasts of (the LORD) YHWH, which ye shall proclaim to be holy convocations, even these are my feasts."
Its writing day 2. I want to convey my conviction the most. I am a very messy sinner. I always have been. I'm that typical worldly christian that happens to know more verses than most. I do not say that with pride, but even in the midst of my filth, God always had His Word on my tongue when it was needed for love, mercy, and understanding. To Abba be the glory forever and ever.
My flesh trembleth for fear of thee; and I am afraid of thy judgements.
Let me get real with you. I smoke cigarettes, cuss, gossip, fornicate, rage, and am not soberly minded all the time. Filthy and rotten, and the watered down christianity I've grown up with didn't do much to change that. I was saved at 15, and 15 years later, I have more conviction about pleasing YHWH through His appointed times and Torah than I ever did about any of the sins I listed above.
Yea, the stork in the heaven knoweth her appointed times; and the turtle and the crane and the swallow observe the time of their coming; but my people know not the judgment of the LORD.
It made so much sense to me. If I couldn't follow Him in the celebrations and removing of idols and idolatry, then how could I ever quit smoking cigarettes. I'm not saying it wasn't possible. I have gone through several non smoking seasons, relying on Him. But I wasn't conscious to all the idols I bent my knees to.
The best metaphor I've heard concerning this is plumbing. Yeshua, Jesus describes the living waters flowing down upon us. If idols, idolatry, disobedience are the grime clogging the pipes, then I can still receive blessing, grace, mercy, healing, but its a dripping stream instead of a powerful flow.
John 7:37, 38
In the last day, that great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried, saying, If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink. He that believeth on me, as the scripture had said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water.
I smile when I think of where YHWH has brought me today. My mom hurt me upon every pagan celebration. I know she hurts because she sees my rejection of these celebrations as a rejection of her and our heritage. Although I try to maintain boldness, its hard claiming the victory over idolatry and warning those in my life... but back to why I smile.
Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. For I am come to "set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law, and a man's foes shall be they of his own household."
As I transferred to my new town, I offered free counseling services to my home church. I didn't have a paying job but still wanted to follow God in where He was leading. I am now the head nursery attendant with a staff salary. I still offer free counseling, but this was a great way for me to continue to fellowship but observe a Saturday Sabbath. I know a day encroaches involving me and my pastor conversing about biblical understanding. I'm not afraid.
Be strong and of good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.
I try to convey my walk with grace and love. I hope I can continue to gather my notes and thoughts here. I've been away a few months, studying and seeking. I reread this composition with anxiety as I do not want to seem prideful or all knowing. I seek and share in humility.
vs.14 But the word is very nigh unto thee, in thy mouth and in they heart, that thou mayest do it.
I've missed the blogs of the ladies and gentlemen this environment lead me to. I hope to visit more and lift you up in prayer. If there are any special requests, please share them. As for me and my family, I ask prayer for my mom's heart health, my grandparent's overall health, my sister for peace and banishment of her anxieties and fears. I ask for strength and wisdom in parenting my daughter. She is turning into quite the preteen.
Peace and blessings, friend. <3