Its been some time since my last post, and I begin this with a heavy heart as I listen to the song posted by Michelle over at Lost In the Prairies.... Found by God.
That gave me the courage to hear the cries in my heart. I had turned the volume down on my own pain to go through the motions of this Monday. I think I did the same through this weekend's entirety. Thank you to Kandy, and her genuine heart over at Get Out of the Boat.
I'm so thankful that God leads me to sources of strength and wisdom when it gets this hard. I had been putting my faith in other things as well. I want to control so much of my life, and when the control is not mine, I fit and cry like a 2 year old. I scream at the sky, "WHY?!"
I was amazed at the number of children dropped at their first day of school by BOTH parents. So many dads... I peeked into their lives, praising God for the families while pleading for one of my own.
I did a lot of telling myself that "I don't care" when in fact, I care deeply. It hurts to care this much. I've heard of people locking themselves in their prayer closets and not coming out until an answer is had from the Lord. I'm not sure what to pray for anymore. I know God is always with me, and I know and believe his love washes over me daily... but there is something I'm missing. Answers that maybe I've been given but not seeing...
Its time to wake up and really tune in to what God has for me because I feel like I am crawling on the ground.
Psalm 116:8 For You have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, and my feet from falling.