More of the anger is coming out.
At least on the road... I had three separate incidents of some idiot following behind so closely they nearly rear-ended me... with my baby in the back seat, no less.
Lets just say I did not have grace in my response.
I still have lots of anxiety. I have no fingernails, and I started smoking cigarettes again. Boo.
But this was in my inbox when I finally made it to work:
LORD, if you kept a record of our sins, who, O Lord, could ever survive? But you offer forgiveness, that we might learn to fear you.
James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.
I receive these daily devotionals, and they seem to relate to some situation in my life EVERY TIME I read.
The first touched me because I know God allows me to be angry, but the way I have been venting is not pleasing to Him. He is so quick to forgive and love.
The second was like an invitation from Him. My heart and mind are arguing about the next move. The Lord is ready to guide me if I would simply ask and THEN follow. He can give me all the guidance I could ask for, but if I do not heed to this advice, there is more hurt or less healing. Plain and simple.
Thank you for your constant love and guidance. Thank you for your chastisement. Thank you for your acceptance of me without perfection. You are perfect in my weakness. Thank you for my kids. You have given me amazing friends that have been faithfully praying for me in this situation as soon as they knew there was a problem. Thank you for showing me your love in the smallest of ways. Your presence is always known, even if I choose to neglect that. Thank you for derby. It helps me to feel strong and secure in the midst of my insecurities doubt. Mold me! Give me your eyes! Thank you for carrying me through this weakness. Thank you for your Son, Jesus Christ. Thank you for all things.
In Jesus name,
"Showers of blessings, showers of blessings we need! Mercy drops round us are falling, but for the showers we plead!"