My attempt at organization. :)

Saturday, January 5, 2013


Matthew 7:16-20
Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.

Galatians 5:19-23
Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

I awoke to these words audibly surrounding my mind. The loudest portion of all this was, "You shall know them by their fruits."

Who? Who am I looking at? or for?

I tried to start internally, seeking to examine my own fruits, but I was lead out of myself. I thought of our church congregation, the online teachers, the bloggers, the facebookers, the youtubers, and my spirit did not seem to settle. I went "secular" and thought of my roller derby teammates. I thought of non-churchy friends and nothing.

Then, my mom's face entered into my mind, and I thought of the fruits produced by our relationship. They do not look like a golden delicious apple of love or a juicy, sweet tangerine of joy. They are putrid pears of strife and blackened bananas of wrath wrapped in brightly colored justification.

Abba Father,
Thank you for all you love and mercy. Thank you for extending your gift of the Holy Spirit, the Ruach Hachadesh. Thank you for leading me, and thank you for revealing to me those dead branches of pride. Give me the strength to move forward in humility and non judgement. Thank you for placing in me a heart of flesh and removing that wicked heart of stone. Speak to my mom and let her know you are with her. Reveal you love and mercy to her. Convict her to seek your face and your word. Heal this relationship and family. YWYH, I ask that satan's scales be removed from the eyes of the unbelievers. I rebuke his deception and his influence that they no longer be effective towards your lost sheep.

In Yeshua's (Jesus) Name, Amen.

Monday, December 31, 2012

Let's try again. :)

I previously wrote about wanting to do a book review/study, but I was unable to find any books to purchase! Then, when they became available, I did not have the money to spend on extra books for anyone interested.

Well folks, I ordered 3 extra books today, and I am praying that this study comes into fruition. The books should arrive by next week, so, I want to give people an opportunity to enter for a chance to win and/or purchase their own copy.

To enter, please leave a comment with your email address, answering: "Why do you want to examine our infected roots?"

I will announce the 3 winners, Monday, January 7, 2013.


Wednesday, December 26, 2012

changing hearts

I was dreading this year's celebrations. I found myself very torn between what God was calling me to do and my family's traditions. I made it very clear where I stood on the matter.

Matthew 10:37
He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

Christmas eve arrived, and it was time for me to act. I decided to join my family in love. We ate dinner and had fellowship. My aunt made the first attempt to consider my changing heart. Our family puts pork in EVERYTHING, so after watching me pick through the few dishes I could eat, she informed me she was making her potato salad without the bacon her recipe calls for.

I was so very surprised. So much so that I teared up as I thanked her for the consideration she was showing me.

Then, it came time to sit around the pine idol and accept the gifts. I separated myself from this tradition. I was not ugly and accepted the one gift from my grandparents after this tradition was finished. I gave hugs and told them thank you. 

I helped clean up the dinner mess as the rest of the family cleaned up the wrapping explosion. We gathered our things and said our good byes. One down. One to go.

The next morning, my daughter wakes up and asks me several times if God is going to be mad at her for opening gifts at my mom's house. She is trying to decide if she is going or not. I tell her I cannot answer that question, but if she is feeling convicted about something, she needs to listen to what the Holy Spirit is saying.

She told me she felt very confused about everything. I reminded her the identity of the author of confusion, and apologized to her for not knowing truth and teaching her these things so many years. We talked again about the feasts of the LORD.

I thought she might stay home with me, but then the truth came out. She wanted her gifts. I told her go ahead and receive the gifts that are now made more important than our Savior's birth AND resurrection. I said, "Before you go, tell me, out of all those decorations at Gammy's house, how many of them tell about the supposed true meaning of christmas?"

My daughter said, "She has one ornament." One. I nodded my head and watched her walk out the door.

I was told my mom, who has has vehemently waged war on my changing heart, bought me a wreath for christmas. I researched what they mean many weeks before. She bought me one, made one that says, "We speak HO HO HO in this house," and even encouraged my daughter to make one after finding out my research. This does not sound like the spirit of peace at work here. In all contradiction, it sounded like the spirit of spite.

Several hours later, it was time for the dinner back at my grandparent's house. I arrived late, which was not a worry considering the amount of food my family can produce. When I get there, my two aunts, grandfather, and family friend tell me they made their dishes without pork. I smiled and cried. I told them thank you. Hearts were changing!

No one would make comments or make fun of me to my person. I always had to hear about it from my sisters. Today was the first time in almost a year that my family made a change for me. They all have known I stopped eating pork for almost a year. I was blessed.

As the day progressed, I found out my mom gave the wreath to someone else. Her and my step dad also hurriedly took their tree down before inviting me over for a game evening. I inventoried all the information. I could not believe what was happening after feeling so alone and so out-casted this last year.

Only YWHW can change hearts. Do you understand that?! Only He can change hearts to be as soft and humble as His son and servants or as stone hard as the Exodus pharaoh. In preparation for this time, I started an unfinished study about our hearts and what it takes for them to change.

Deuteronomy 5:29
O that there were such an heart in them, that they would fear me, and keep all my commandments always, that it might be well with them, and with their children for ever!

Deuteronomy 8

1 Samuel 16:7
But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature;
because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.

1 Kings 8:23
And he said, LORD God of Israel, there is no God like thee, in heaven above, or on earth beneath, who keepest covenant and mercy with thy servants that walk before thee with all their heart:

1 Kings 8:39
Then hear you in heaven your dwelling place, and forgive, and act, and give to every man according to his ways, whose heart you know; (for you, even you only, know the hearts of all the children of men;)

Ezra 7:10
For Ezra had prepared his heart to seek the law of the LORD, and to do it, and to teach in Israel statutes and judgments.

Job 12:24
He takes away the heart of the chiefs of the people of the earth, and causes them to wander in a wilderness where there is no way.

Thank you for stopping by and sampling some of the Word God has written on our hearts. I hope to continue to this study.

Yahweh bless and shalom.

Linking with Tracey today. <3
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Thursday, December 20, 2012

irritability challenge, pt 2

This was a difficult internal viewing. Let me start with a list of things I immediately noticed in others that irritated me:

lack of commitment
attention seeking

As I first created this list, it was easy to list the people or situations consisting of these irritating traits, but I'm not on the hunt for an external haughty attitude. My quest is to shine light on the dark places of my heart, exposing the festered place to YHWH's healing.

I hate when people just flat do not care... and yet, that is my best response when something hurts me or doesn't go my way. Facing troubles in the past, I would shoot my nose as high as it would go and pretend none of what was happening mattered. It was like telling the person doing the hurting or punishing, "Do what you want, you can't hurt me or get to me." But how productive does this response become when it creeps into other situations? Our behavioral responses become almost routine, and I know I have intertwined apathy into words that needed love and acceptance.

I am so selfish. I know I can give and help without expecting anything in return, but what about the days I demand a pat on the back for offering a ride or paying someone else's utility bill? I want the money spent my way, dinner cooked my way, laundry done my way. I should get to decide what happens to the last $20 of fun money. I don't mind sharing, but its always on my terms. I should get to hang out with my friends, work on the computer when I want, or not give as Yeshua would because that last dinner/dollar is for me and my family. I am very selfish.

This seems to hold hands with selfishness. I should get this, this shouldn't happen to me, people don't get the right to complicate my life. I should get to make decisions, how dare that person cut me off in traffic! Don't they know I was here first and we're late for girl scouts?! What makes me feel so important? What demonic spirit urges me to react in hostility when things don't go my way?! How much is my reaction related to me slipping away from the knowledge of YHWH's will?

lack of commitment
I've always considered myself a loyal and committed person. I'm loyal to my family, friends, study, sports, and any other engagements I've given my word to be at or help with. I cannot stand when someone neglects obligations they've taken on. I can't stand when the neglect stems from priorities not aligned as I see fit. As I reflect on this, I KNOW I have not been committed always to YHWH's will and truth for my life. Commitment to healthy living per God's instruction. I continually allow things like cigarettes to enter my life after He has asked for its removal.

Oh man... this grates on my nerves with my children. BUT, I'm the biggest whiner and complainer! I gripe so much! There is a real battle between my smile and scowl.

I had to walk away for some hours. The confrontation and exposure is needed for healing and correction, but I felt a harsher critic in there air taking on an ungodly form. As I return, I own my tendency to think I know more than most. Instead of hanging my head in a debilitating shame, I slightly smile like a child, awaiting loving correction.

attention seeking
This one makes me sad, especially when I see others wanting attention so bad, they're willing to receive negativity and punishment over nothing at all. I don't like too much attention either, but I do like approval. Any kind of attention that approves what I am doing or how I'm acting, I am all over it. And it is worldly approval, even from godly brothers and sisters, I seek more than God's approval.

Now, time for prayer and the Word.
to be continued...

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

irritability challenge, pt 1

December 18,  2012
Many of you, My people, are experiencing an almost unexplained sense of irritation with people around you.  Beloved, this is something in you that has come up so that you can deal with the root of your irritability.  Do not blame others for your reactions.  Look squarely at the cause in yourself that creates this haughty response.  It is an ungodly attitude that needs to be adjusted, says the Lord.  I will give you wisdom and help you overcome. 
Romans 12:21 Don't be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Look squarely at the cause in yourself that creates this haughty response.

Blogging inspiration comes in many shapes and sizes! I read this email approximately ten minutes prior to typing these words. I admit my irritability, and I accept this internal reflection challenge.

To be continued. :)

Saturday, December 15, 2012

happy Sabbath

And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; and to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness; and to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity. For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But he that lacketh these things is blind, and cannot see afar off, and hath forgotten that he was purged from his old sins.

Friday, December 14, 2012

worship in spirit and truth

Yesterday was so much better! I started my electronic day with the the Berean: Daily Verse and Comment newsletter.

John 4:23,24
But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him. God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and truth.

"In the current war over Christmas and religious symbols, Satan has pitted the secular humanists, who want to blot out Christianity and encourage almost any other form of worship, against mainstream Christians, who are fighting for the right to worship as they see fit by putting evergreen trees in schools per Jeremiah 10:2-5. Atheists and agnostics arrayed against Christmas-bent "Christians"--for whom do we root?

The truth of the matter is that Satan is the real winner regardless of the outcome." -David C. Grabbe

I felt more empowered to be in the world right now. It makes me spiritually visualize the waters of the Red Sea parted. Waters is usually a metaphor for people, and it feels like walking between two ginormous groups of opposing people. I wore a shirt I bought several years ago. I got it 75% off after that particular christmas season. :)
Wrinkled and messy. Isn't that how I usually am on this walk with YHWH?
I picked this shirt because I had recently added the backside scripture.
(Yes, I did it with a red sharpie, and the first wash turned it pink, adding more personality!)

I helped with a fundraiser involving a booth at "candy cane lane." My burdened spirit wanted to witness in peace, so I added this. I wore my sword so to speak.

I had seen, read, and shared the front's verses, but today, I SAW it again.
John 4:23

The LORD was speaking to me! Even if I felt heavy, uncomfortable, and not confident, He reminded me there was purpose in this new pain.
You see, I'm used to causing the pain I go through. Maybe not directly, but I know my decisions have hurt me many times.
It seemed so easy, answering the call, "Don't worship me like that. Worship as my Word asks you to."
My christian upbringing taught me all about spirit and a little about truth. Truth is most difficult at times... to understand, to accept, to find, to convey.